Today I had a really fun time getting my blood drawn. I go to LabCorp at least every other month to get blood drawn for analysis of my kidney function. They are both staffed by monkeys, and the slowest snails on Earth. More than once they've "lost" a vial of blood, making me go back to get more drawn. Once they decided to do a liver panel instead of a kidney panel. Don't ask me why. At least I found out my liver is super healthy.

My nephrologist has started using a service that only does tests for patients with kidney disease. They sent me this box and lab order. The box contains the vials and everything the lab needs to draw my blood and ship to the testing facility.

So I arrive at the lab, box in hand and sign in. The woman checking people in moves like she has weights tied to each limb, her eyes droopy and uncomprehending. The waiting room is already full even though it's only 8am. So I sit and wait with my little box. And wait. And wait. For almost an hour. Finally my name is called and I bring up my little box. The lab techs regard the box as some foreign object never seen by common earthlings. The lady takes my order, looks at it quizzically (I'm not sure she was capable of reading) and sends me in to the blood draw room. The box has a tab across the front they must pull off to access the contents. The dude is perplexed by the box and keeps turning it around and around trying to find a way in. I point out the tab and he gives a little grunt. He takes the tab in hand and gives it a mighty yank, which only succeeds in tearing off the tabs handle. He then takes his pen and starts to dig out the tab from the box. This takes a few minutes and eventually he both gets the tab off and breaks his pen. He assures me he has plenty as he tosses the pen in the garbage. He then takes everything out of the box one by one regarding each with interest and saying the name of the object out loud ("a coupla rubber bands. Ok. An ice pack. Ok. Blood vial. Ok. Return label for shipment. Ok.") before laying each item carefully out on the counter. After emptying the box, he gets set up to draw my blood. There is always a little prick when the needle is inserted, but today, for some reason, it hurts like hell! When he's finished he says with a satisfied grin, "There. Should only be a little bruise. Not bad!" Which, it turns out, is correct, but a) is a scary thought for other patients ("Oh. That'll be a big bruise. Sorry.") and b) I've never actually bruised from a blood draw before. I then put on my jacket and hurry through the crowded waiting room. I hope to god they package and ship the collection correctly.