Well, it's nearly upon us now. Twelve hours from now I'll be in the midst of life-altering surgery. It's weird to think about. After tomorrow everything will change. I thought that way when we had our daughter, but instead of turning our lives upside down to fit into her life, we fit her into our life and it seemed so effortless and natural. This surgery really will be different. My brother is a hero. Little brothers always look up to their big bro. Now he's giving me a part of himself so that I can be well. There's nothing more heroic than that. Thanks Randy, I'm still looking up to you.

So, things are moving again in the transplant world. April 27 is now the new date of my transplant. Randy still has to get tested to make sure he doesn't have any antibodies to the CMV thingy, but they are anticipating he'll be in the clear. I kind of can't wait for the whole thing to be over, honestly. I am feeling really dumb lately, I think the dirty blood is affecting my brain (or, maybe not. There's always that possibility). I can't remember little things all the time and I'm so forgetful, it's really annoying.

Well, it looks like we have to push back the transplant date. Randy has some sort of blood infection so we need to wait until he is rid of it. I don't mind so much. I'm still taking antibiotics from a sinus infection, so who knows if I'd be ready anyway. I think this was meant to be, really. Randy and I both got sick at the same time causing the date for the transplant to be rescheduled. The transplant will happen, but not before it's time for it to happen and I don't mind waiting for that time to come. Once it does, I'll be ready.

That's the date it'll all go down. Randy's been approved and our surgery is scheduled for the 2nd. It's a little surreal that it's suddenly happening. I'm nervous and kind of excited. It'll be a life-changer, that's for sure.

Randy has been approved by the Transplant Center Gods to be a donor. He still has one test left, which could ultimately rule him out. It's to check to see if the kidney is too "vein-y" for transplantation. Most likely it isn't and he'll still be my donor, but there is always the chance. The surgery could conceivably be very soon. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. Scared? Hopeful? Excited? Nervous? All of the above plus more terms I cannot think of right now? Yes, I think so.

So, it appears Randy is starting his testing to make sure he is a good match for a transplant. All of his tests are scheduled one 5-hour, fun-filled day at the hospital. This Thursday, January 15, to be precise. I'm not really sure what tests are happening, and I'm feeling too lazy to research it (but here is a resource that has some general information that is useful: National Kidney Foundation). I do know they'll test his kidney filtration, take a look at the size of each kidney to make sure they are both still operating at the optimum levels, and that's about all I know. He'll fill me on on Thursday with all the gory details. I hope none of the tests are too invasive. If all goes well and he is approved as a donor by the all mighty Transplant Board, we could be looking at surgery happening within the next month. It doesn't quite seem real yet. I'm sure when a date is set, it'll be more than real. I'm crossing my fingers everything works out.

By now I should be listed on the UNOS transplant list. This whole thing is a little surreal. Ever since I found out about my funky kidneys and my kidney disease, I knew I'd need a transplant someday. I just didn't know that "someday" would be now. Someday always denotes some far-off future date. It's funny how easily you can convince yourself that "someday" may never come--or maybe I was just hoping it would never come. Now that the process has begun, I can say that I'm actually looking forward to the transplant. Not the actual procedure and the immediate aftermath, but down the road from it a bit. In my minds eye there is a hill. I can see light near the top of what I imagine is a beautiful sunrise. All I have to do is make it over the horizon.